karma? gone???

say good bye karma.......
it ends at 8.00
my mum n dad just remember my birthday is today so......my mum say's happy birthday...she told me she forget about it and i was just...."OWH''........my dad was just quite and just say"ur bithdayis today?" i just move my head......i didnt felt happy bout dad.....so then i remember that my friends wana bring me to go mall to watch movie.....so i ask my dad for a money......i told him "dad can u gave me some money for my birthday?" he was speechless he always do that so i was upset again and turn around.......then my dad answer i give u when i got lot of money.....i was just like..i didnt answer back....so my bigsis bringing me to eat somewhere and i ask again from my day so he gave 20 for my sis and i ask my self he said he didnt have money......after i took the money i was more upset...so we ate some where with my sis....nothing happen there....so after we ate we went home i look at my fs adn i got alot of comment n wtf its all bout my B'day...i was happy.....
so thats the end of my karma........8.00pm.......im glad

well all i have 2 do now is sit and watch the stars

fall as i go....moving and moving my life without u i feel the pain about it stab my heart as u go.....bleed will not be there a note will be and said i love u to u sorry u cant cheer me up because my sad its not all about u its about my family too.. hate me as they go...i dont mind getting hurt from the outside its from the inside i care.. stab me if u can kick me as hard as u can because i dont mind..we can cure that...but inside u cant.. a cake was not there for a birthday boy...a present was not there,...........for a birthday boy family means care family's means love family means doing it together and family is about caring each other... so my birthday means nothing to u...and to my family...its just a peace of trash........... so wat u can do? all i can do..is now is to kill my self...or i wont be happy no more.....

hopeless because of u

i cry n i cry feel the burn feel the flash cuz i wont stop thinking of u how do i grt u out of my head???
kill myself?
if thats not the answer then what??
im already in pain.....
u cant fix it
u took my heart

i do want freedom happybirth day to me.....='l

i want freedom......

Call it karma(28/4/08)

u call it faith,,i call it karma

seems like my family didnt care about my birthday.....
its in 29/4 even tho some of my friends remember my birthday is coming.
when the day before my birthday i dont feel like going to school but my parents force me to
wat can i do???
when i was in my dad's car my dad was driving...he look upset..i knew something bad is gona happen when he was driving he told me everthing about myself how stupid am i and he told me i have to improve to my studies....thats all he talk about my studies what about my life, my pain i felt depress and sadness...i didnt want to hear my dad's advice....so i was thinking and dreaming about something else i think about the girl that i miss,my life,my pain and my birthday
hows is it gona be?

when we arive at school i fell sadness and pain i was walking to my class and saw adele i said "hey"and wave and she did the same thing to me i couldnt stop looking at her because i keep asking myself how lucky am i having a best friend like that she help me alot with my problem
my life and so on......we got alot in comment

when i was in my class room i keep feeling lonely and pain. i think and think alot till i didnt listen wats teacher teach about filling up my sadness when i saw the girlt that i like,miss her again so much............we went to the bio lab to do some materiali felt bored,tired,upset and pain because of her when the lesson started i feel more and more bored n upset i was the group leader in the lab when the teacher called me to pick up some materials my body feels like a rock i feel weak...

after school i went to see someone in the other class and some one told me that they talk shit bout me im getting pissed off......so nobody really cares bout my life maybe i should die
thats more easy......

allah...damnit lol

silence!!!!......i kill u...

FIGHTSTAR!!!!!!

to adele

adele i thank you
for helping me n my life
but i still feel my sadness n hopeless
but about u
ur a true friend i can trust u
if anything happens 2 u i cant forgive myself
lets hope our friendship will lastforever =)

YourGuy,
Ayad.

it has to stop

it has to stop
i cant stop thinking of u
i feel lonely cuz of u
i feel stupid cuz of u
i feel loveless cuz of u
i feel u love cuz i thought ur my type
my heart feel like its been stab
i feel my heart shouting ur name
if i got no more hopes for my self
i got nomore future for myself
i cant moved on cuz of u
i feel depression
like i always said about my self hopes will last dreams will die
this is how im gona be in along life with out my heart
i feel my burn i feel my pain inside ofme cuz of u that i love u
but u just trew it away
my friends help me to cheer up
but i cant i feel stupid i feel an idiot
when im making my own lyric i just feel about u
so i cant make new ones
i try make my new beats of drums all i could think is the old 1s
i feel stupid

keep on loving her

feeling lonely,feeling sadness,feeling heart broken,feeling Emo,feeling stress....is all i can do right now at home....... ...when i saw u around somewhere with another guy makes me feel like an idiot loving u cuz u didnt accept that......i try to impress u but u were not there i try to make u laugh but u were somewhere else i try to make u happy but your with someone else i try to make u love me but ur mind is thinking another guy....i can only feel my self as being.....
stupid
sad
nothing
useless
and
im a nobody
all i can say is if i stand at the stage with the microphone,my drumstick and my drum is to say i will always sing to you always....
tho..giving u a chocolate.......will never think of me u'll just eat it without thinking why i gave u that chocolate for.......
if ur asking ur self why....thats because...i love u
even tho ur taken or liking someone else
No matter what i will always take care of u
and love u always..

i wish u could understand how i feel.....
theres nothing that can cure me but only u
you toke my heart.....
n i wana take yours,i hold it,love it,take care of it
but u gave someone else
but can you give me back mine
no cause u throw it away into the trash
your holding another heart and that is the one u love but not me
is the person that u love holding your heart to?
i hope so....
i feel my pain i feel my sadness
i dont mind getting hurt at the inside
but i do mind when im hurt inside
when im alone and thinking about u in the morning i look at the sky and think will u love me
when im alone at night i look at the star and ask my self why im not urs?
i watch the clock and hear my heartbeat after that im making a new drum beat,,,,just for you....
i kept singing to myself about you...but you were not there....
when i walk alone i feel my lonelyness it feels like ur walking in the desert by yourself
i shout out load
and say "why me?"
why me that u all cant love me care bout me?
this is the dead end for now
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

the girl that i like n love

"january-february "
damn she's pretty
from the first year of school i saw her looking with my own eyes feeling happy saying i love her n she can love me back
well u thought that will happen but it never did
"march"
when the day i told her i love her n she was spcchless n changing the subject i was sad..
i felt saderr and saderr
i felt like im an"EMO"
but im not thank god each day i keep asking my self why did i tell her
keeping calling my self stupid
"april"
giving her much spaces didnt work its getting worst
i look at her friendster profile one of her comment from her friend say's dat"a---- suka....."
i was curios so i look at here friends porfile
and she said "aku suka....the guy have who put a hand on his pic"
so i look again at the guy that she likes
i was pissed off felt my sadness

"April when jublee rehasel"
after school i saw her with her beautiful dress i was shock because she was looking pretty and cute
that night i went online on my email waiting 4 her after a sec she went online
she type hye to me so i replay back
so we talks alots of things bout wat happen just now
after we both were specchless
i said to her with my happiness
"u look beautifull just now'
i waited her replay after a sec she went offline
i said wat????
she wat?
god
why?
then she went online again she never replay back
i guess she didnt get the word i was sad
sad as i walk outside of my house an lay down looking at the stars feeling lonelyness n sad
i keep talking 2 my self why this must happen
why she didnt like
cause
im dum
im an idoit?
after i ask that i felt dum and my tears are falling(not that much)
i just.....felt lonely
if i lose her im long gone
i will lose my
happyness
love
care
and
my love to hers
i just felt stupid

"22/april/2008"
when i was online my email she started to talking to me
about my Bday is comming next week
the first chat she says
i was trying to ignore it because maybe that could work to forget bout her
she keep asking me the same question 2 times again
so i cant just sit and looking at my n hers conversation
so i type n told her my Bday
n sadly i keep thinking about her
i just wish she understand how much i love her n care bout her
seen that wouldnt happen
i cant let anything happen to her
cause i love u(her)

a fat bitch in ugama thinks i or some guys like her

a bitch in ugama school thinks i like her....wat!!??? fuck off man hell no i dont like her not even one bit.....if ur morning school guys "likes" who cares!!!!
u dont have to open ur big fucking mouth to open it "to show off" that every single guys likes u as if......dream on bitch!!
n wat the fuck was dat for saying that i like u!!???
i never like her dont trust a fat bitch like her

by the way fat bitch
"DREAM ON!!!!"